LETTING GO OF BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS

As a writer, I sit down every day and write about relationships. The coming together of two people, or the angst they go through when they’re breaking up. And I’m not just talking about the relationship between men and women. I’ve written about mothers and daughters, fathers and sons, best friends and sometimes natural enemies. And no relationship is stagnant. I’ve been married longer than I’ve been single and our relationship has morphed several times over the years. Any good relationship changes with time. Trouble weasels into a relationship if you can’t find a way to grow and change together.

The hardest thing in the world to nurture is the relationships we have with the people in our lives, but they are also the most fulfilling. I’ve had to let go of some associations in the last couple of years. Each one for different reasons and each one was an agonizing choice. I had to make a decision based solely on emotions. Mine. The friendship that didn’t feel too friendly and the sisterhood that faded over time caused me more unhappiness than I was willing to tolerate. But I’ll be the first to admit I didn’t come out of them unscathed. There is still a part of me that wants to rekindle those connections. But sometimes its best leave broken ties behind.

What I had to accept was relationships come and go. Friendships come, and friendships go. If I’m lucky some of the people will be with me for a lifetime, others are passing through on their way to where they need to be. I have to trust that everything happens for a reason and enjoy the people, who are right in front of me now. I have to embrace them, love them and if the time comes when I have to let them go, I have to accept that and let go.

DEALING WITH FRIENDSHIPS

It took me a very long time to understand that friendships are ever evolving. Unable to remain static, they wax and wane like the cycles of the moon.

When I was a little girl my friends living on the wide city block came and went almost unnoticed. When the Littlejohn clan moved away we didn’t miss a single turn of the jump rope and almost instantly they were replaced with the Matthews family. On that active block of hopscotch, dodge ball, and Simon says we opened our circle and let them in and kept on playing.

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Growing up for me meant learning which friendships I needed to value and which ones I needed to dismiss. I’ve had to learn to redefine my definition of friend. It was a word I used to freely. Friends have a pecking order and not all of them warrant my same level of loyalty or confidence.

Friends II

 

I hold on to those endearing friendships with a grip so fierce, prying them apart is unthinkable and impossible for me to imagine. I try to cherish my true friends like I cherish my family because in so many ways they are.

 

RECIPE FOR HAPPINESS

28 slices of cheesecake

25 peach cobblers

8 vanilla bean crème brulees

50 scoops of ice creams

100 pieces of chocolate – hopefully with nuts

15 slices of cakes with delicious icing

 

This highlights a small portion of the wonderful desserts I’ve shared in the last few years while dining with family and friends.  We try not to eat sweets at breakfast.  It’s amazing how troubles and worries melt away while talking about them over while shoving something sinfully sweet into your mouth.

A few years back my family and I moved to Houston, Texas.  During our first few months there we unpacked boxes, navigated our way to the school and to work without getting lost and found our way to the fabulous mall, the Galleria.  We located all the good restaurants and checked out every Bar-be-que joint within a 20 mile radius. When we finally settled down and began to call the Lone Star state home, one thing was missing; my extended family and friends.

Sure we talked on the phone, we even sent a few e-mails but not being able to see them and share in their daily lives wasn’t easy.  One of my nicest surprises has been opening the door one warm evening and finding three of my dearest friends stand there.  They flew to Texas to celebrate my birthday.  I have never forgotten how they put their busy schedules on hold for me.  And thinking about it now still warms my heart and makes me smile.

Now we’re back on the east coast.  Back to where our roots grow strong and deep.

What I’ve learned is relationships require touch-points.  They require picking up the phone and making that call; driving those few extra miles to check in or making the time on your calendar. Family and good friends are precious gifts.

How do you stay connected with the people that are special to you?